Fiction: In the Dark (Albus Severus - R)

[seedee]

Characters: Albus Severus (gen but past Albus/Charlie)
Summary: There are layers in the human soul. Some of them are open like a bright blooming flower. Some lie in the dark. You can't see them - unless you look closely.
Prompt: To know one's self, one must go all the way to horror - Jacques Bossuet
Rating: R
Word count: 1900
Warnings: Character Death (Rose Weasley). This was written for hp_darkfest.
Author/Artist's notes: Many thanks to those who read this before it was finished and helped me with their thoughts and suggestions - especially anise_anise and spn4ever. Also thanks to those who left great comments when it was posted here on hp_darkfest. Many questions that may arise while/after reading the story are answered in the discussion over there in the comments. I don't recommend reading the comments before the story. There are many, many spoilers.



In the Dark

Rosie once said that fate is inevitable. She said that some things happen, and it's our duty to make the best of every moment for every one. Sometimes I think she was right. Things happen. Maybe that's all there is.

I smile at the woman behind the counter and pay for the bright yellow sun flower. It's beautiful; Victoire is going to like it.

Rosie is not the only person I lost. I lost Charlie as well, and even though he didn't die, it wasn't easier. My parents think that it all started when I spent the summer after seventh year with him chasing dragons in Romania. Everyone was glad then that I 'discovered my adventurous side' - that's what my older brother said. They aren't glad anymore. And there's icy silence between them and Charlie - even after all he's given up for them.

The air outside the shop is crisp as I let the door fall close behind me. It's a nice, sunny spring day, but not warm yet. The sun flower seems out of place. I wonder where it came from at this time of the year, and wonder if it's nice there.

Each member of my family at least asked me once what happened during that summer. It's exhausting as my family is huge. They never asked what happened before that summer. They aren't interested in the fact - or maybe they're afraid to know - that I've always looked up to Charlie. He's never been an uncle like Bill or Percy; he was a real man to admire, and I always tried to impress him. He was the one who showed me the animals in the forest when everyone else was busy playing Quidditch, who made dirty jokes around me, who never treated me like a little kid.

We were equals. Especially during that summer.

I never liked flying like James, or was exuberant like Lily. My charms aren't as good as Hugo's and I was never as compassionate as Rosie. And yet it was me who Charlie wanted. I saw it in his eyes long before I arrived at the camp.

I was young, scrawny and inexperienced. It didn't seem to bother him when he bent me over the kitchen table, trapped me against the wall, took me slow and sweet in his bed or fucked me against the tile in the shower. He came in my arse, in my mouth over my face, on my stomach, on my back. He used his hands to hold my wrists; he kept me on the edge until I begged for his cock, until I'd have done anything and everything. I loved it. And I loved him. I told him so.

The small café is a short walk down Diagon Alley. Many of the people I meet on the way know what I've done. It was hard to miss on the first page of the Daily Prophet. Do they judge me for loving an older man? Maybe they point their fingers at my back because I let my uncle fuck me. I don't care. Life's too short. There's always an insult or two hurled at me simply because I'm a Potter. A few more don't faze me.

While the foreplay had taken up most of my life, the end after the climax was sudden - if not entirely unexpected. Rosie was the only person I ever told about Charlie and me. She predicted that it wasn't going to end well. I didn't listen, of course, I'd have never thought that she'd betray me. All the details I told her, I later found in the article.

Unlike Charlie, my parents didn't treat me like an adult when they found out the truth. It's understandable, and I don't blame them; I'm their child, after all. They always wanted the best for me - they didn't understand that I knew better than they did what that was. Charlie was good for me. I was prepared to fight and leave them behind for what we had. Charlie didn't want that. It was harder for him. He'd already lost part of his family, and he didn't want to lose more. Therefore, he gave me up to keep them.

The first days were hard. There was talk of coercion, of corruption; mum even asked me whether he'd given me drugs. Then they started to blame themselves. They talked about not having cared enough, not having talked enough and Merlin knows what else. It was ridiculous. What the papers wrote about me, and what other people said was even worse. They couldn't make up their mind whether I was an innocent rape victim of a pedophile, or a celebrity slut that would spread his legs for anyone who wanted to have a go. James kept most of the articles. He loves to quote them at me. I'm still baffled that everyone conveniently forgot that I was of age and an adult. It wasn't their business.

I go through the door and inhale the scent of coffee and familiarity. Hardly a day goes by without me being here. It's so close to the apothecary where I work that I come here for lunch, or in the morning when I'm too lazy to make coffee at home.

The storm calmed down, eventually. When you have dozens of cousins, there's always someone to worry about. And the scandal was almost bigger when Rosie lost her job. It was inconceivable that sweet, hardworking, devoted Rosie was fired by the Ministry. The papers lapped it up like a kitten its milk. Most of the family was in denial for weeks.

We weren't as close at that time as before she'd told my secret, but we were growing back together. You don't abandon friends because they made one mistake. As I said: life's too short.

She didn't know exactly how it had started. There were rumours about her; she suspected that someone had spread them deliberately. Nasty things were said and got out of control. 'Intolerable' and 'unacceptable' for someone in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, her boss said. And no matter how hard Aunt Hermione and dad tried, he didn't change his mind. The papers were on his side; he was lauded for being impartial and not surrendering to the most famous family in the wizarding world. Rosie never figured out who could be malicious enough to destroy her career. She hadn't hurt anyone enough to justify it.

It wasn't a good year for her. Only two months later, she broke up with the boyfriend she'd had since fifth year. She told me that there's no point in staying together when the trust is gone. I could see that it was eating away at her. So I suppose she was right.

It's sad to see relationships end. I know how it hurts when you have to make new plans as the old ones don't work without the other person, and how you constantly think about what you could have done differently only to realise that it doesn't matter. It's done; it's over. Everything becomes a shade darker. It's irrational, but there you have it. Rosie was a person who always meant well; and even though she was the reason I lost Charlie, she didn't deserve that. But she deserved to know the truth.

A wave and a bright smile is enough to order a coffee. Annie knows me well; she makes sure that I always get a biscuit with my cup. We met through her sister Sarah, a good friend of mine and Junior Assistant of Kingsley Shacklebolt, who's still Minister of Magic after all these years. Sarah's often at my place. After Rosie lost her flat because of some complications and moved in with me, there was a lot of tension between those two. They didn't like each other.

I regret not trying harder to help them become friends. It's too late now.

Rosie died three weeks ago. The Auror report says that it was an accident. She fell from her broom in the middle of the night, broke her spine in three places and died instantly. They found an experimental potion in her blood. It's strange because everyone who knew her agrees that she never took drugs. She didn't even drink. The Aurors don't know where the potion came from; it's not something you can buy in a shop.

I remember telling her some days before her death that I mount my broom whenever things get too much and I need a clear head. Fresh air and looking at things from above do wonders for one's perspective, I said. I'd have never thought that she would go alone, in the middle of the night; she wasn't a good flyer.

Dad closed the case two weeks after she was buried. It was hard on him; everyone could see it. There are rumours, as not all questions were answered. Dad never explained why he stopped the investigation; he kept silent, didn't even tell mum or Uncle Ron. He only said that the circumstances of Rosie's death were indisputable. They believed him, of course.

It's amazing how much one person can be missed in a family that consists of so many. I hope she's in a better place now and found the happiness she couldn't find here. I miss my friend, and I wish her luck wherever she went.

The door opens and Victoire comes inside. It's rare to see her without Teddy. She's working for the Prophet now. She got the job a couple of months ago. I'm glad that she sometimes spends her lunch break with me, her younger cousin. I think that on some level I'm a replacement for Rosie. They were good friends, Rosie and Victoire.

She's pretty in her green floral dress, especially when she spots the flower and her eyes light up. There's Veela blood in her, no doubt about that. It doesn't affect me. I smile at her and kiss her cheeks.

She thanks me for the flower and sits down. With an elegant wave of her hand she summons the waiter and orders coffee with a tiny dash of milk - no sugar.

She asks where Teddy is - some days he's having his lunch break here as well when he's not too busy. The Quidditch Shop is just around the corner.

I make sure to take another sip of my coffee before I answer and wait until my face is slightly flushed from the hot steam that's wafting up from the cup. I tell her he's testing the latest Firebolt with the new star seeker of the Holyhead Harpies. A brilliant girl.

Victoire is nodding, but I know what the raised eyebrows mean. Seems like Teddy didn't tell her. I wonder out loud why he told me, and not her - he must have forgotten, no big deal.

I'm not sure if Victoire is convinced. She seems lost in thoughts during lunch. We part a bit earlier than usual and she kisses my cheek, then waves before she goes in the other direction.

I watch her leave and smile. She thinks I don't know why she got the new job so suddenly after years worth of rejections. There's a few things I know about her - and quite a few she doesn't know about me.

Comments

[thimble-kiss.livejournal.com]

*smooooches you hard enough to leave smoochmarks*

I miss you madly too! I need to pounce on you on chat soon. I've been a big lump in a slump but nothing's wrong, just caught between the Scylla of writing obligations and the Charybdis of RL. :D

You know, with Charlie, I assume a bloke who escapes his huge tightly-knit family to live with dragons in Romania must be a freedom-loving guy. Clingy lovers need not apply, or some such thing. ♥ I just loved the mood in this piece – like a shadow gradually creeping in and falling over a scene. Even though I'm a wimp about darkfic in general.

[vanseedee.livejournal.com]

caught between the Scylla of writing obligations and the Charybdis of RL.
You even make that sound poetic. *swoons in a way that makes sure you're going to catch me* And I'm so glad to hear that you're well.

And Al is really, really young compared to Charlie. He's also not quite adult in his frame of thinking (unfortunately his manipulative methods are far more developed). I wrote happy fluffy fic for yule_balls because I needed a break from darkfic. and now I'm all out of deadlines. WOOT!

[thimble-kiss.livejournal.com]

*swoops in and catches you like Superman* <3

I got my Smutty Claus fic done by deadline which, woot woot woot! :D And I have deadlines for Charlieficathon and Wizard Love in January and not the good sense to panic yet. But don't worry, it will come.

[vanseedee.livejournal.com]

*blinks* You need an organiser for those. Let me know if you need beta or hand holding assistance.

[thimble-kiss.livejournal.com]

Both of those will no doubt come in handy, so I'll definitely keep that in mind! *hugs*